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This is an archive of journals from late high school. A bit like a diary, this was a personal fork off of my senior project at the time to build a fully functioning blog site that people could sign up for, manage, and etc. I managed to recover all the posts, but I apparently forgot to back up the comments and attached music tables before repurposing my personal server, so those are mostly gone. This is a little embarrassing but not as awful as my old Geocities/tcn.heathenkitties.net early high school journals.


2008-06-29 18:38:34 Category: IRL Log
Work was not rewarding. Work was not fun. I did not leave work with a :3 on my face. That's how it was over the winter/spring, banquet season, when we'd serve fancy meals to adults and I would act all polite with professionalface and nice white shirt and black pants and apron and shiny black shoes--although there's obviously more pressure to be professional and high quality in general, it wasn't that awful, and at the end of the day I would leave feeling like I genuinely helped. Great feeling. I mean, that's the feeling I live for.

But today was crap. I'd never done mornings before, and it was like my fifth time leading? I suck as a lead. I do. Especially when I'm leading two (yeah, only two--one person didn't even come in today) slow and/or unexperienced workers. I shouldn't be a lead--I'm obviously not quite there yet, and it's not like I get any sort of pay raise. Why should I get this responsibility? I don't want it if I'm not going to get paid for it accordingly. I was fine on the bottom rung and I'm leaving after this summer anyway. Last night was shit too--was shooting for being done at nine but I had to stay til about 10. I didn't mind the fact that I was working all on my own that last hour there, tying up loose ends in closing up the place, not feeling as pressured by the presence of others... so I felt not completely horrible because at least the place wasn't a complete mess. There were definitely some things unfinished but I figured since I was going to be there in the morning I'd just take care of it then. Hahaha.

I despise doing mornings, which is why I never work them. I thank the scheduler for usually never giving me the morning shifts.

I was going to complain some more in specifics about today, but I don't even feel like typing them out.

My mood today went from anxious to stressed to heart-wrenching guilt to complete apathy. I hit the bottom in spirit about 3 hours before I finally clocked out. I'm just glad I'm home now. I'm going to listen to Boards of Canada and self-indulge on the netz. That will cure me right up. I've got the next three days off, too.

So it's all good.

I'm going to talk to ze boss sometime.


This is my cure. :)

Boards of Canada! :D <33

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